June 27, 2012
I registered to participate in the HIV T-shirt Campaign today. I went to The Project to drop off my registration and to pick up my shirt. I am apprehensive as I know there are three possibilities: “HIV+”, “HIV-“, and “I don’t know my status.” I almost feel like I am going to find out results of a test.
Jim takes my registration and tells me that Rhea will be out to see me in a minute. I am nervous. However, I am not at all surprised when Rhea hands me a shirt that says “HIV+”. I walked out to the truck to inform my friend, Kurt, that I was positive. I immediately being to think about where I can, and should, wear this shirt. I really want to wear it on Wednesday, June 27, 2012, which is National HIV Testing Day, but I know that my husband is playing a baseball game later that night.
I got home and had to explain the shirt to my husband. He immediately said “You are not going to wear that around any of our friends, right?” He was worried about the “shock value” of the shirt, the fact that it might start an uncomfortable conversation, or worse yet, that people would believe it.
I am immediately ashamed by his reaction, and I haven’t even gotten to wear the shirt yet. Is this what I have to look forward to? If so, I completely understand why positives choose not to disclose their status. Here was someone I love, who loves me, who knows that I am negative, and still has a strong reaction related to what his friends will think about him. I decided that I don’t want “friends” like that.
I can’t wait to see what reaction wearing the shirt will bring, but at the same time, I am very afraid.
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