Courtney's Second Time Around

July 27, 2012

I have to admit, I’m not a virgin to this experiment.  At last year’s United States Conference on AIDS, I purchased a red shirt that reads “HIV Positive” across the chest from The Illinois Alliance for Sound AIDS Policy (IL ASAP) as part of their anti-stigma campaign.  I’ve worn this shirt with no agenda in a variety of settings, although a few are more noteworthy. 

 I frequent a local plasma donation center about two times per week.  For 2 hours of my time, I get to help someone and receive enough money a month to pay for my car payment.  Certainly I would get some kind of look or comment at a place that needs HIV negative blood for their services.  The woman pricking my finger to test various levels in my blood?  The tech inserting the plasmapharesis needle into my vein?  Quick looks from fellow donators?  The only mention of the word HIV was on the screening questionnaire that I answer each time I donate asking me a multitude of questions regarding my sexual past and history of contact with HIV. 

My favorite reactions are from family and friends.  After anyone knows the nature of my job, it seems to become much easier to talk about HIV, something I dare to say isn’t the topic at most dinner tables.  I was fishing one evening with my boyfriend’s family when his uncle, a fire chief and EMT, saw my bright red HIV+ shirt and began a deep conversation about transmission.  He disclosed intimate details of his past, indicating events that would have put him at a high risk in addition to general questions on the accuracy of information that he received with his medical training.  If I hadn’t been wearing my HIV+ shirt, would this conversation ever have taken place?    

Would it be any different, I thought, if I was wearing a shirt that said HIV negative.   As far as breaching the land of uncomfortable with a sensitive situation, I would think that it would be easier to ask someone about their HIV negative status than their HIV + status. 

Unfortunately, a lot of the time the most excitement my day sees is getting groceries or some other menial task.  Time for something special and out of the ordinary!  …I went to the mall with my significant other.  I had my makeup done, tried on some clothes, had some nice ladies help me try on jewelry.  No mention of my shirt.  Even though the shirt didn’t spur the reaction I had hoped, and almost longed for, I believe that visibility is monumental in reducing stigma. 

Upon leaving the mall that day, I watched as the ladies at the makeup counter made silent gestures behind the back of a young girl dressed in blue with matching blue hair.  Their antics brought me back to the halls of high school where the mean girls tease and make fun of anyone who isn’t like them. 

How many people are courageous enough to ask a stranger about HIV?   I wondered then if as soon as I left, if anyone had anything to say about me.